Book Review: We will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth by David McIntee

So, you've been hiding out on Earth, waiting for your chance to conquer and take over, haven't you? Or maybe you've been lurking in space, hiding behind the moon, waiting for your chance to strike? If you were smart, you would have acquired a copy of We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien's Guide to Conquering the Earth by David McIntee. But, you weren't smart, were you? So here you are, stuck without a whole lot of options, without a good plan, and at high risk of losing instead of the victory you traveled so far to acquire.

Well, you can rectify this. Go and get a copy. It will teach you all about your mistakes and how to avoid them (and others like them) in the future, as well as ensure that you turn your disadvantage to victory.

Warning: You might learn something.

On a serious note, this is a really fun book. You need to go in expecting to learn stuff, because there is an equal amount of fact and fiction. This seamless blend really let me get involved with this book, so much so it took me a notable time longer to read than I normally spend on a book. Some of the content, for the less scientific of us (read: me), can be heavy. It's definitely written to make you think about the various tactics one could use to take over Earth.

I don't want to spoil any parts of this book, because I think this is such a good read for the geeks and nerds among us, that spoiling the tactics discussed would soil the brilliance of this novel. I've read (and reviewed) guides on conquering before, but this one is by far the best. The art is perfectly campy, fitting the subject well. The content is streamlined, flitting for subject to subject in a logical, smooth fashion. It reads like any good reference book; engaging yet informational. It can be dry in places, but there is an underlying tone of humor that makes the actual lessons about space and the Earth go down really smoothly. There is just enough of the absurd to ensure that any astute reader will be able to distinguish fact from fiction.

All in all, I loved the book, and would recommend it to any alien seeking to take over the planet. Alternatively, I would recommend this to any human wishing to mount a successful rebellion against the invading aliens, as it is vital that the last dredges of humanity are aware of the challenges they face.

I especially think that you should take care to read the section on caring for your pet humans. It might come in useful for those alien species who are interested in expanding their empire rather than completely destroying life on Earth prior to taking over the planet for resources.

It's hard for me to find flaws in a book like this, which bends the normal rules of conquering, delivers it with humor coupled with facts, and turns it into something engaging and entertaining. The writing style is smooth and easy to read without being dumbed down. It crosses barriers, I think, allowing those who have a strong understanding of sciences to get as much out of it as those of us who aren't as good at sciences. While there are some numbers thrown around, you don't need to be highly skilled in math to get the idea of what McIntee is talking about as he discusses how your race might best handle conquering Earth.

In short, this is a great, fun read, and I really recommend it to anyone who enjoys science fiction (movies or books!) and wants to think a little about how smart aliens would go about conquering Earth — and I promise you, it isn't as far-fetched as you might think.

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