Random Rambles: I love and hate spring.

I have a love/hate relationship with spring. On one hand, it's lovely. The sun is shining. I'm slowly pulling free of the grips of seasonal depression and mood swings. The first few excursions are bitterly painful. Instead of stabilizing mood, the overdose of sunlight makes it really hard for me. It enhances the depression, usually for a period of two or three weeks. (Don't ask, it just does. Something about the sudden exposure to the burning daystar imbalances something.)

On the other hand, it means I have to do a lot of things.

It isn't until now, right around pool opening time, that I'm actually able to go outside without high risk of going psycho.

Today the pool is being opened. This year, in the effort to try to establish some form of physical endurance, I'm hoping to be able to swim once every two or three days. Not every day. I can't handle it, at least not yet.

I'm not normal. While I wouldn't say I'm physically handicapped, I have issues with my circulatory system. So, when a ‘normal' person goes on a walk, a trip around the block won't exactly tire them out.

When I do? Yeah, let's just say I have a very short distance I can go before it wipes me out for several hours.

I pushed it today. I was only in the yard for ten minutes, if that. I threw out some damaged flower pots. I walked around my yard. I installed the pool ladder. I dumped out a wheelbarrow. I checked on the various status of spring projects this year.

I'm exhausted. It'll impact me, hard, for the rest of the day. I'll have to go back out when the pool guys arrive to open the pool. They need paid! And I need to pray that all of the lines are fine from the vicious winter we had this year.

I took some photographs. Enjoy them. My back yard is a mess. We're trying to make it not a mess this year. It's going to be an excessive amount of work. The retaining wall and repair of the porch is going to be the biggest, most intensive job. It collapsed last year, but we couldn't afford to fix it. I'll be using the way-out-of-date engineering skills I have to start the repairs this year.

We'll install a deck over the stone/dirt raised porch, and new steps.

My 35 foot or so long torture device will get used this year, because it won't rain every day in the summer. Right, weather? You're not going to rain and thunder and prevent us from swimming, right? I really need to be able to swim this year. I want to get healthy, and swimming is one of the few low-resistance exercises I can do.

I can only do it for a few minutes at a time between resting, but I can do it.

I'm hoping for a single 30 minute session every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It'll be hard. Really hard. The year before last, the most laps, at a reasonable pace, I managed to do in one session was 20.

My goal for this year will be 21. Just 1 lap better than the last time the pool was opened and usable.

For the record, I'll probably start at being able to only do 3 or 4 laps total. A lap is to one end of the pool and back, by the way. To get up to 20 laps, I had to start at 3-4, take a 10 minute float-on-back break, then try again.

It took me the entire summer.

I'm weak. I can't do physical work very well. Any job requiring standing for long times, or excessive walking, I can't do. Maybe after this summer, I'll be a little better conditioned to be able to.

As for walking, my record is 5 kilometers, and it knocked me out of the action for the rest of the day. It took me an hour and a half to walk that distance, and I felt like a train had run over me.

I'm not in shape. I won't bore you to the details as to why, but the source was a childhood illness. Then it got hard. I'm just not as dedicated to my physical health as I am to my writing.

This year, I hope to change that.

I love you and hate you, spring.

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