After a really hard (but productive!) day editing, it is time to unwind and continue my search for my next new favorite author.
For some reason, I thought ‘funny urban fantasy' would be a good start. I like urban fantasy novels. I like humor! After my failure at finding fantasy romantic comedies… I thought I'd try for something a little broader.
I was wrong.
I was so wrong.
I was so wrong I need to get a bottle of bleach and wash my eyes out with it. After I'm done washing my eyes out with it, I need to bathe in it. Head to toe. So maybe doing that will result in death, but I have unleashed the Greater Old One.
Cthulhu stirs, and it's all my fault.
I was so wrong, and I'm so sorry.
That's not the sort of fantasy I was looking for, Amazon! That's not the sort of fantasy I was looking for! This is why we can't have nice things. Also, dear god, those titles. MILF Took Me in Her Butt? Really? That's the best you could come up with?
I'm already done here. But since I'm on the page anyway… let's see if the selection improves any, shall we?
Down His Deep Throat, huh?
Ladies. Gentlemen. Let me shine a little light on you… if your skills in bed (or in writing erotica) classify as funny, you ain't doin' it right. This is not the keyword you want to appear under, unless you want me to make fun of your books, because basically, that's what's going to happen here. Let's take Drill Me, Sergeant. Obviously, he's doing something right since he's gotten a decent number of reviews. You're hot with the ladies. I can live with that.
However, I'd like to know if she just wanted you to handle your hardware and fix her kitchen sink, because otherwise, I can't figure out what part of this is actually ‘funny.' Inquiring minds want to know.
In other news, looks like Joe Vampire hasn't been getting much in the way of love lately. Sorry, Joe.
Finally. A search that actually worked in my favor. Now, to pick my offerings up from the first few pages. This is much closer to something I might actually read. There's hope!
Well… I got two pages without anything that looked dangerous or smutty! It's a miracle. Obviously, I'm onto something here!
Now, can I get funny in here without the world exploding? I'm not sure. If the world blows up in the next ten minutes, it's due to the paradox I unleashed. Sorry in advance.
Apparently funny, clean, and urban fantasy are not a good combination, as there are only 21 results on Amazon. Hey, authors! Here's a keyword for you if you write clean, funny urban fantasy. Just don't spoil it with smut, please!
Well, shit. Too late. Someone already has.
There is nothing clean about a menage hot wife voyeur who gets it on with a gang, yo. Seriously. Also, what? What the actual…? UGH.
Okay, I'm done. I'm going to go cry into my ginger ale and question why I decided this was a good idea.